Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Cheng Boon. I graduated from Singapore
Polytechnic with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering in 2016. After finish serving my national service in November 2018, I
managed to secure a short work contract with Singapore Technologies Electronics (ST Electronics), handling and producing electro-optics for the military.
Immediately after the contract ended, I embarked on my
university journey with Singapore Institute of Technology in pursuit of a
degree in mechanical engineering.
I decided to further my studies in engineering as I realized the difference I could make, with the knowledge and skills that I have acquired, to come up with innovative or improved products that can improve the quality of life of the consumers. Furthermore, the short stint with ST Electronics further affirmed my choice as I felt a great sense of achievement whenever I was able to value-add to solving critical engineering problems.
I believe that one of my strengths in communication is that I am a confident speaker in the sense that I am comfortable speaking to large crowds. During national service, I was constantly required to speak to a crowd of slightly over a hundred people every day, therefore building a level of confidence in public speaking. On the other hand, one of my weaknesses is finding difficulty in interacting with others on a professional level despite my short stint in the industry as I did not get much exposure speaking to higher-level superiors or clients.
My goal in this module is the be able to improve my clarity of speech on a professional level so that I will be ready for the industry upon graduation. Also, I would like to take this opportunity to brush up my grammar, to eventually aid me in my letter and report writing for the upcoming projects and beyond.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to learning from you in your expertise.
Best Regards,
Chan Cheng Boon
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Cheng Boon,
ReplyDeleteYou have a well-crafted letter as through your introduction, I was able to have a holistic glimpse of yourself effortlessly. However, in my opinion, there were a few pointers that I would like to highlight.
1. Purpose of the letter.
• I understand that the subject header of the letter is pretty self-explanatory, however, I feel that if you add a line into your first paragraph to highlight the purpose of writing this letter, the paragraph will sound less “abrupt”.
2. Considerations behind your choice of study.
• Between your first and second paragraphs, you emphasized too much on engineering related information. I feel that with the limited amount of words available, you can bring up some additional hobbies/interests to spark some emotions within the reader.
3. Repetitive use of words.
• I like the phrase “short stint” you used in paragraph 2, line 2 to summarize a short period of time. However, in the last line of paragraph 3, I noticed that the phrase was used again. For such prominent phrases, it is very obvious for the reader when it has been repeated and severely dulls the effect it produces. Thus, I feel it would be better if you use synonyms like short duration etc.
4. Organization of strengths.
• In paragraph 3, I feel that you should mention your weakness before your strengths to give the reader a better impression as they approach the end of your letter.
Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your letter and look forward to learning/growing together in class.
Best regards,
Jonathan Chan
Dear Cheng Boon,
ReplyDeleteIt is enjoyable to be working with you in our effective communication class. As I was looking through the content of your letter, I believe there are some pointer I observed and would like to share with you.
1.Content of letter
The content of your letter is pretty well fulfilled. With the fact that you are constantly speaking to large crowds during your national service, it definitely helped you in building your communication strengths. However, I think your letter would be better if you include your interests or hobbies for reader to know you more.
2.Organization and structure
The structure of your letter is very organized speaking about your interest in engineering rise after working with ST Electronics, and organizing your strengths and weaknesses in the next paragraph which allows readers to better capture the points.
3.Typographical error
In the second last paragraph, I believe that there is a typographical error, “My goal in this module is the be able to improve my clarity of speech" and should be "My goal in this module is to be able to improve my clarity of speech"! In addition, I realized you capitalized "Best Regards" too.
Other than the above mentioned, all in all I enjoyed reading your introduction letter. I hope my observations aid you in some way and look forward to learning in class together.
Best regards,
Chester Lim
Dear Cheng Boon,
ReplyDeleteI am one of your classmates in Effective Communication. It was a well written letter. Please allow me to highlight a few pointers.
You have capitalized Best Regards at the end of your letter. I know you are playing a certain sport, maybe you can put your interest in sport so that the other readers will know more about you.
I am glad that I am able to know more about you after reading your introduction.
Best regards,
Andy Ashley Tan
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ReplyDeleteDear Cheng Boon,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for this letter of intro. It's clear, concise and yet fairly robust in the information you provide. I'm especially impressed in the detail you give as you discuss your experience with NS and ST, and then as you tie those to your comm skills weakness and strength. I also appreciate how you tie your various experiences to a developing interest in engineering.
In terms of language use, this is a fluent letter, but there are a few items to take note of:
1. sentence structure
-- After finish serving my national service in November 2018, > After finishing my national service in November 2018,
-- Also, I would like to take this opportunity to brush up my grammar, to eventually aid me in my letter and report writing for the upcoming projects and beyond.
> Also, I would like to take this opportunity to brush up my grammar, so as to refine my letter and report writing for the upcoming projects and beyond.
2. punctuation
-- I decided to further my studies in engineering as I realized the difference I could make, with the knowledge and skills that I have acquired, to come up with innovative or improved products that can improve the quality of life of the consumers. >
(use of commas) ?
3. typo
-- is the be able
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Cheers,
Brad